Nathaniel Branden – Self-Esteem Articles

December 21, 2011

Devon Sampson Human Psychology , , , , , , Leave a comment

“Nathaniel Branden is a psychotherapist and writer best known today for his work in the psychology of self-esteem from a humanistic perspective (see self-esteem in humanistic psychology). A former student and one-time romantic partner of novelist Ayn Rand, Branden had a prominent role in promoting Rand’s philosophy, Objectivism.” -excerpted from Wikipedia entry on Nathaniel Branden

 

Yesterday I did some independent research on Nathaniel Branden, one of the key figures of the Objectivist movement. I was curious to find out how someone so intimately familiar with Rand’s philosophy had grown to reject it (or at least some aspects of it.) During the search, I came across a number of outstanding articles written by Branden that were particularly interesting to me because they represented the first legitimate critiques of Ayn Rand. Granted, the main article in which this came from also included vast amounts of (rightly deserved) praise for Objectivism as well.

As I continued researching, I discovered that Branden went on to do extensive research in the field of self-esteem, penning numerous books and articles on the subject. I’m just scratching the surface of his body of work, but so far I’m extremely impressed.

Here are my notes on the various articles featured on his blog, which you can find at NathanielBranden.com:

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Self-esteem is the experience of being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and of being worthy of happiness.

 

You cannot have a world that works, you can’t have an organization, a marriage, a relationship, a life that works, except on the premise of self-responsibility. (“Self-Responsibility”)

(People) have been taught that the essence of virtue is self-sacrifice. To a large extent that is a doctrine of control and manipulation. “Selfish” is what we call people when they are doing what they want to do, rather than what we want them to do.

High self-esteem seeks the challenge and stimulation of worthwhile and demanding goals. Reaching such goals nurtures good self-esteem. Low self-esteem seeks the safety of the familiar and undemanding. Confining oneself to the familiar and undemanding serves to weaken self-esteem. (“Our Urgent Need For Self-Esteem”)

The higher our self-esteem, the stronger the drive to express ourselves, reflecting the sense of richness within. The lower our self-esteem, the more urgent the need to “prove” ourselves—or to forget ourselves by living mechanically.

The higher our self-esteem, the more open, honest, and appropriate our communications are likely to be, because we believe our thoughts have value and therefore we welcome rather than fear the clarity. The lower our self-esteem, the more muddy, evasive, and inappropriate our communications are likely to be, because of uncertainty about our own thoughts and feelings and anxiety about the listener’s response.

“Self-esteem” is sometimes used interchangeably with “self-image,” which is unfortunate, because the concept is much deeper than any “image.” Self-esteem is a particular way of experiencing the self. (“Self-Esteem as a Spiritual Discipline”)

To observe that the practice of living purposefully is essential to well-realized self-esteem should not be understood to mean that the measure of a person’s worth is his or her external achievements…The root of our self-esteem, as I have discussed at length elsewhere (Branden, 1994) is not our achievements, but those internally generated practices that, among other things, make it possible for us to achieve all the self-virtues mentioned above. (“Nurturing Self-Esteem in Young People”)

To give a child the experience of being accepted and respected does not mean to signal that “I expect nothing of you. “Teachers who want children to give their best must convey that that is what they expect. Children often interpret the absence of such expectations as evidence of contempt.

Self-esteem is an experience. It is a particular way of experiencing the self. It is a good deal more than a mere feeling. It involves emotional, evaluative, and cognitive components. It also entails certain action dispositions: to move toward life rather than away from it; to move toward consciousness rather than away from it; to treat facts with respect rather than denial; to operate self-responsibly rather than the opposite. (“Answering Misconceptions About Self-Esteem”)

Excessive and inappropriate self-absorption is symptomatic of poor self-esteem, not high self-esteem. If there is something we are confident about, we do not obsess about it-we get on with living.

(S)ometimes when people lack adequate self-esteem they fall into arrogance, boasting, and grandiosity as a defense mechanism-a compensatory strategy. Their problem is not that they have too big an ego but that they have too small a one.

What shall it profit us to win the approval of the whole world and lose our own?

(T)o be effective, “praise” – or, more exactly, recognition – should be reality-based, calibrated to the significance of the child’s actions (in other words, not extravagant or grandiose), and directed at the child’s behavior rather than his or her character. Sweeping statements such as “You’re a perfect angel,” or “You’re always such a good girl,” or “You’re always so kind and loving,” are not helpful: rather than nurture self-esteem, they tend to evoke anxiety, since the child knows there are times when they are not true.

Neither a business, nor a marriage, nor a soul can be kept alive and healthy without continuous effort. Responsibility for appropriate action never ends.

The War of Art (Part 2: Combating Resistance – Turning Pro)

December 8, 2011

Devon Sampson Motivational Psychology, Spirituality , , , , Leave a comment

My notes from Part 2 of Steven Pressfield’s modern classic The War of Art.

 

It is one thing to study war and another to live the warrior’s life.
-Telamon of Arcadia

 

“Someone once asked Somerset Maugham if he wrote on a schedule or only when struck by inspiration. ‘I write only when inspiration strikes,’ he replied. ‘Fortunately it strikes every morning at nine o’ clock sharp.’” (79)

The Principle of Priority – you must know the difference between what is urgent and what is important, and you must do what is important first.

The first movie Steven Pressfield ever wrote was horrible and was a commercial failure. However, in retrospect Pressfield has an interesting perspective on it; “That was when I realized I had become a pro. I had not yet had a success. But I had had a real failure.” (87)

Pressfield argues that being overly emotionally invested in your work is more characteristic of an amateur than a professional. Regardless of your enthusiasm for the project, Pressfield insists that an in-it-for-the-money mindset produces the professional attitude necessary to get things done: the “lunch pail-mentality”, the “hard-hat state of mind” that shows up no matter what and slugs it out day after day.

“The professional arms himself with patience, not only to give the stars time to align in his career, but to keep himself from flaming out in each individual work.” (90)

“(The professional) respects Resistance. He knows if he caves in today, no matter how plausible the pretext, he’ll be twice as likely to cave in tomorrow.” (95)

“The professional knows that Resistance is like a telemarketer; if you so much as say hello, you’re finished. The pro doesn’t even pick up the phone. He stays at work.”

“(The professional) understands that the field alters every day. His goal is not victory (success will come by itself when it wants to) but to handle himself, his insides, as sturdily and steadily as he can.” (97)

“The student of the game knows that the levels of revelation that can unfold in gold, as in any art, are inexhaustible.” (100)

“(A professional) does not identify with (their) instrument. It is simply what God gave her, what she has to work with. She assesses it coolly, impersonally, objectively.” (101)

“We cannot let external criticism, even if it’s true, fortify our internal foe. That foe is strong enough already.” (102-3)

“Humiliation, like rejection and criticism, is the external reflection of internal Resistance.” (104)

In a situation where you are the recipient of some negative external force, Pressfield urges us to “maintain our sovereignty over the moment.” (107)

The War of Art – Steven Pressfield (Part 1: Resistance – Defining the Enemy)

December 4, 2011

Devon Sampson Motivational Psychology, Spirituality , , , , , , Leave a comment

 

The War of Art is one of the greatest self-help books of all-time. In it, Steven Pressfield characterizes the force within us that doesn’t want to get things done, the force that holds us back from reaching our potential, and gives it a name: Resistance. In Part One, Pressfield makes it his mission to explain just how deadly Resistance can be. Part Two elaborates on how we can defeat it. Part Three attempts to motivate us but gets far too spiritual and religious for my tastes. Nonetheless, despite my distaste for the final third of it, The War of Art’s first two parts contain so much motivational precision that it still ranks among the all-time great self-help books in my eyes.

Note: page citations are from the digital copy of the book.

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“Most have two lives. The life we live and the unlived life within us. Between the two stands Resistance.” (16)

 

The enemy is a very good teacher.
-The Dalai Lama

 

Any act that delays immediate gratification in favour of long-term prosperity will elicit Resistance.

Resistance does not come from outside factors, it is generated and perpetrated from within.

“Resistance will tell you anything to keep you from doing your work. It will perjure, fabricate, falsify; seduce, bully, cajole. Resistance is protean. It will assume any form, it that’s what it takes to deceive you. It will reason with you like a lawyer or jam a nine-millimeter in your face like a stickup man. Resistance has no conscience. It will pledge anything to get a deal, then double-cross you as soon as your back is turned. If you take Resistance at its word, you deserve everything you get. Resistance is always lying and always full of shit.” (26)

The more important an action is to our personal progression and evolution, the more Resistance it will elicit. This is not entirely bad – we can use Resistance as a compass towards what truly matters.

Resistance obstructs movement only from a lower sphere to a higher sphere. So if you’re working with the Mother Teresa Foundation but you decide you want to become a telemarketer, Resistance will be nowhere to be found.

Resistance is most powerful at the finish line. The danger is greatest once we approach the end. Knowing that we’re about to beat it, Resistance hits the panic button and hits us with everything it has a desperate last effort.

When you start to overcome resistance, it will recruit allies – other people’s Resistances. These other people will try to sabotage you because your success becomes a reproach to them. (m3taphysics: They have no interest in being inspired because that would force them to face reality, which means facing their own shortcomings.)

“The best and only thing that one artist can do for another is to serve as an example and an inspiration.” (37)

Resistance distracts us with cheap, easy fixes like sex (sometimes manifesting as a preoccupation with sex). The barometer is how hollow you feel afterwards; the more empty you feel, the more likely it is that your real motivation was Resistance rather than love or even lust.

“Creating soap opera drama in our lives is a symptom of Resistance.” (42)

“Sometimes entire families participate unconsciously in a culture of self-dramatization. The kids fuel the tanks, the grown-ups arm the phasers. It’s more fun than a movie. And it works: Nobody gets a damn thing done.”

“Sometimes, if we’re not conscious of our Resistance, we’ll pick as a mate someone who has or is successfully overcoming Resistance.” (46)

“If it meant nothing to us, there’d be no Resistance.” (57)

“Grandiose fantasies are a symptom of Resistance. They’re the sign of an amateur. The professional has learned that success, like happiness, comes a by-product of work. The professional concentrates on the work and allows rewards to come or not come, whatever they like.” (60)

“Any support we get from persons of flesh and blood is like Monopoly money; it’s not legal tender in that sphere where we have to do our work. In fact, the more energy we spend stoking up on support from colleagues and loved ones, the weaker we become and the less capable of handling our business.” (68)

“Seeking support from friends and family is like having people gathered around your deathbed.”

“(When you have a powerful, inspiring dream or you experience any sort of motivational epiphany), don’t talk about it. Don’t dilute its power. The dream is for you. It’s between you and your muse. Shut up and use it.” (69)

Resistance’s greatest weapon is rationalization.

“But rationalization has its own sidekick. It’s the part of us that actually believes what rationalization is telling us.” (71)

 

It’s one thing to lie to ourselves. It’s another thing to believe it.

 

However, if Resistance couldn’t be beaten, there would be no great symphonies, no great plays such as Romeo and Juliet, and no great works of architecture like the Golden Gate Bridge.

The Power of Now – Eckhart Tolle (Chapter 1: You Are Not Your Mind)

December 2, 2011

Devon Sampson Spirituality , , , , , 1 Comment

Eckhart Tolle’s message is simple: living in the now is the truest path to happiness and enlightenment. And while this message may not seem stunningly original or fresh, Tolle’s clear writing, supportive voice, and enthusiasm make this an excellent manual for anyone who’s ever wondered what exactly “living in the now” means. Foremost, Tolle is a world-class teacher, able to explain complicated concepts in concrete language. More importantly, within a chapter of reading this book, readers are already holding the world in a different container–more conscious of how thoughts and emotions get in the way of their ability to live in genuine peace and happiness. -Amazon.com description (excerpt)

The Power of Now is one of the most important books I have ever read. Whereas Ayn Rand’s work details the importance of the mind, Tolle explains the limitations of the mind. His main criticism is that it inhibits one from experiencing a higher level of consciousness, which he refers to as “presence”, among other things. Many hyper-logical, objectivist-types have dismissed Eckhart Tolle’s work because of his use of spiritual terms and religious references, but they fail to recognize that “presence” is simply a heightened focus on their present surroundings – the objective reality that Rand argues must be our primary concern. I’ll write a longer post about this topic in the coming months, but I must mention that I believe spirituality is not the practice of making desperate appeals to invisible friends, but rather recognizing one’s own individual spirit – the essence of his human experience.

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Most people do not use their minds as much as their minds use them. The symptom of this is compulsive thinking. The voices in their heads are constantly complaining and judging everything around them. This unnecessary mental noise pollutes us with negativity and drains us of human vitality.

“When we transcend our mind, the huge amount of energy we would normally use to protect our ego is freed up to be used by our natural intelligence and creativity. We become more present, more aware, more conscious. In this sense, it is only when we transcend our mind that we become truly rational beings.” -Mark Lewis,

A great way to transcend your mind is to act as the “silent observer” of your mind. That is, “watch” your thoughts without judging or resisting those thoughts. This process will make you aware of the greater consciousness behind your mind and the thoughts will fade into the background. There will be a pause in the constant stream of thought, leaving stillness – a gateway into presence and peace.

The mind is only a tool. When a situation arises that requires a plan or some sort of contrived response, go ahead and use the power of your logical mind, but stop using it when that purpose ends. For example, you need to think when you are working on a project for work or school, but you don’t need to think when you’re going for a walk in the park. This does not mean that you are unconscious, in fact, by shutting off your mind you are able to commit all of your focus to the present moment and your surroundings.

The truth is not “I think, therefore I am,” but “I am, therefore I’ll think.”

The Way of the Superior Man – David Deida

November 29, 2011

Devon Sampson Spirituality , , , Leave a comment

 

David Deida’s “The Way of the Superior Man” is one of the most inspiring books in recent history. It has a very simple message underneath all of the dressing, but god damn, that is some delicious dressing. Deida’s use of descriptive language is so outstanding it’s almost over-the-top sometimes. Nonetheless, it is a powerful book for men and all those who love men.

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“Spending at least an hour giving your fullest gift, whatever that is for today, will allow you to go to sleep tonight knowing that you couldn’t have lived your day with more courage, creativity, and giving.”

“Feel what you want to give most as a gift, to your woman and to the world, and do what you can to give it today. Every moment waited is a moment wasted, and each wasted moment degrades your clarity of purpose.”

“The best way to deal with woman and world is to “fuck” both to smithereens, to ravish them with your love unsheathed, to give your true gifts despite the constant tussle of woman and world, to smelt your authentic gifts in this friction of opposition and surrender, to thrust love from the freedom of your deep being even as your body and mind die blissfully through a crucifixion of inevitable pleasure and pain, attraction and repulsion, gain and loss. No gifts left ungiven. No limit to the depth of being. Only openness, freedom, and love as the legacy of your intercourse with woman and world.”

“If you are going to tryst with woman and world at all, better to go all the way and ravish them from the depths of your true core, blooming them open with the wide gifts of your unrelenting heart. Otherwise, if you sheepishly penetrate them to gratify your own needs, your woman and the world will feel your lack of dedication, depth, and truth. Rather than yielding in love to your loving they will distract you, suck your energy, and draw you into endless complications, so that your life and relationship become an almost constant search for release from constraint.”

“When a man sees a beautiful woman it is natural for him to feel energy in his body, which he usually interprets as sexual desire. Rather than dispersing this energy in mental fantasy, a man should learn to circulate his heightened energy. He should:

      breate fully, circulating the energy fully throughout the body

 

    treat his heightened energy as a gift which could heal and rejuvenate his body, and, through his service, heal the world

“Through these means, his desire is converted into fullness of heart. His lust is converted into service. His desire is converted not by denying sexual attraction, but by enjoying it fully, circulating it through his body (without allowing it to stagnate as mental fantasy), and returning it to the world, from his heart.”

“A superior man circulates the energy of arousal throughout his body, taking particular care not to let it stagnate in swollen fantasies or appendages.”

“If you are a man, you have probably found yourself inspired at some time or another by a woman. Such inspiration is usually temporary, because most men don’t know how to cultivate their relationship to the feminine. They tend to be inspired, and then spurt it out, through spasms of thought and ejaculation. They then seek inspiration again, through more women, or through other feminine sources, such as alcohol, drugs, or nature.”

“But if you can learn to discipline your habits of building up and releasing mental and sexual tension, you can continually cultivate and magnify your inspiration. You can wean yourself from the addictive cycles of sexuality and intoxication. You can make use of the native force of sexual desire, for your woman and for other women, and convert your tendency toward fantasy and lust into the force of inspiration.”

“Feel lust. Feel what it really is, in its totality. Your lust reveals your real desire.”

“Almost everything you do, you do because you are afraid to die. And yet dying is exactly what you’re doing. Two hours of absorption in a good football telecast may distract you temporarily, but the fact remains. You can either participate in (life), dissolving in the giving of your gift, or you can resist it, which is your suffering.”

“The other means, besides austerity, for rediscovering your masculine core is through challenge.”

Superficial:

  • mountain climbing
  • ropes courses
  • competitive sports
  • “boot camp”

Deep (directly giving your gift in ways that have been blocked by your fear):

  • public speaking (make a commitment to do it once a week for 3 months)
  • writing the novel you’ve always wanted to (money game – pay $100 for each week you don’t finish a chapter)
  • approaching women

“Challenge yourself by going out in the middle of the woods, by yourself, with only survival necessities. Fast from food and don’t sleep for as long as possible. Open yourself and wait. Do not cover your suffering. Do not quit before you fall through the hole of your fear and emerge with a vision of your true mission, the unique form of your living sacrifice.”

“A useful, more common form of this is spending 10 minutes every day in solitude, with no distractions. No fidgeting, no channel surfing, nothing. Just be, exactly as you are, not trying to change anything. Stay with your suffering, until you fall through it and intuit the groundless source of your life.”

“Fearlessness, or the capacity to transcend the fear of death for the sake of love, is a quintessential form of the ultimate masculine gift.”

“Dedicate yourself to incarnating love on this earth and do so as a free man, bound neither by outer convention nor inner cowardice.”

“Use aids to support your relaxation into, and creation from, your core source. Read books that remind you of who you are, in truth. Spend time with people who inspire you and reflect the source to you.”

“If you go with someone’s suggestion even when deep in your heart you feel that another decision is more wise, you are, in effect, saying, ‘I don’t trust my own wisdom.’“

Decision-making mindset: “My deepest wisdom is leading me to this decision. If I am wrong, I will learn from it, and my wisdom will have deepened. I’m willing to be wrong, and grow from it. I trust this process of acting from my deepest wisdom.”

“Most men hold back their true drive because of doubts, uncertainties, and fear so they diddle their woman and the world just enough to extract the pleasure and comfort they need to assuage their nagging sense of falsity and incompleteness.”

“Once you are willing to discover and embrace your truth, lean through your fears, and give everything you’ve got, you can press yourself into the world with such enduring life that the world opens and receives your deepest gifts.”

“The core of life is your purpose. Everything in your life, from your diet to your career, must be aligned with your purpose if you are to act with coherence and integrity in the world. If you know your purpose, your deepest desire, then the secret of success is to discipline your life so that you support your deepest purpose and minimize distractions and detours.”

“The superior man is not seeking fulfillment through work and woman, because he is already full. For him, work and intimacy are opporitunities to give his gifts, and be vanished in the bliss of giving.”

“The test of your fullness in every moment is your capacity to die in true and loving surrender, knowing you’ve done everything you could do while alive to give your gift and know the truth of being.”

“Have you devoted yourself to finding out the deepest truth of your own existence? If, in this very moment, your tasks are not supporting your life in this way, you must drop them or change them so that they do. Otherwise, you are wasting your life.”

“Of course she knows how much success means to you. This is precisely why she will negate it. Not because she wants to hurt you. But because she wants to feel Shiva. She wants to feel your strength. She wants to feel that your happiness is not dependent on her response, nor on you achieving some little success. She wants to feel you are a superior man.”